detour.

i want to know , where exactly did you think we were going?

two hundred-ten.

painful evidence.

he's not

fully in it

the same way

that you are.

his emotions

have been shared

and spared around

a table of past, present

and future.

withdraw,

before he sucks you

all the way through.

he's misleading you.

two hundred-nine.

flat-lined poems.

this poem is not self-sexplanatory

because it does not have a voice

to explain itself -

and it can't explain itself because it

has no body or being to explain, it's

simply just. here.

no skeletons, no bones, no flesh

to make out a figure that has shape

or breathes to stay awake, nah.

this poem is not self-explanatory

because this poem has not its own voice,

but mine -

and only at the times courage flutters

in my belly - giving opportunity for me

to breathe. life. into flat lines and words.

no vibration. no sound. no movement

without the sound of the thoughts and

inspiration and emotion that went into it.

to resuscitate it. to open it up. to make it

live. because it has never lived before -

this poem, my poems, are not self-explanatory

because they know not themselves.

two hundred-eight.

landfill of care.

like a landfill of

fearful waste -

you've made me

to be that

in the

crevices of

your

mind.

and it has manifested.

i will no longer fill

your land with the waste

i provide - a waste filled

with care.

i'm too tired and my

bones are growing weary.

my mind is hanging over

the moon because you've moved

away.

i understand.

my care

can't be taken care of

in your hands.

two hundred-seven.

i write this, for you.

amazingly enough,

the length and

the width of

your name is able to fit

on the head of my pen.

two hundred-six.

i.

you have enthralling eyes, you know.

you shouldn't always look to the cobble stones for attention.

and the streams that build up inside,

let your eyes give them a ride, down your cheek.

it's ok - they need to be freed.

your eyes, they're captivating, you know.

ii.

one autumn day, i felt Your hands

through the breeze of the sweet afternoon

and You rubbed against me in the most innocent

but loving way - Your word came to life:

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."

i trust You.

iii.

how loud will you scream into

the carvings of his delicate ears, lady?

until you cause a quake to erupt and separate

his brain from sweet sanity, stop!

stop howling at his mind, it is not the moon.

the enough moment.

trembling position of fear - "what does it mean to reach the moment when enough is enough?"

throwing together everything that makes sense.

as much as i would like to say some things, my voice drops back down into my belly and grumbles, makes sounds, refusing to come out verbally. we avoid to touch down on the same grounds that we once touched before. and i still wonder sometimes if you'll ever come home. they say "things are better left unsaid." but how are they better if it keeps your expression behind bars that not even you would want to belong? some people are too Holy to just. be. real. i don't want to be here too much longer. not here. i can only imagine what the rest of the world looks like. and my imagination is running on loose ends. running away from me. i don't think i'm ok with that. "the enough moment" will never reach a person completely until they are affected directly and act upon that moment with change. people don't care about things unless they are affected directly. or effected. i never know which one is the proper one to use. but i'm learning a lot in my editing class this semester. i can still become a better writer. i'm just praying that my mind will open up, enough to devour what positive i am being fed. and i think it's amazing the way i've become transparent. maybe it was something i said. something i did. thank God for being God and ultimately forgiving me - no longer should i seek for the forgiveness of man. all in all, the weather has changed from comfortable to uncomfortably chilling and i'm moving and feeling like water and wind together. irresistible. i'm resting in Your will.

• let it out!
• understand that you will never know all.
• understand that you will never understand all.
• look outside of self and into the world.
• let God be God, He needs not my help.
• remember that Love is not easy.
• in due time, let him now.
• pick up your creative extensions and use them!
• start a new project, soon.
• breathe.

two hundred-five.

nails against the crate.

to come back,

months later,

to a face you

tried to memorize -

remembering

how difficult it

was in the beginning

refreshes your memory

now, even more,

because the face has changed

and has become

more beautiful than you

would have ever known.

and you miss that you

missed that chance -

now you're trying to

start again.

the sun is still shining

when you close your

eyes to sleep,

always remember that.