where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.where my passion lies.

in the eyes of those i'll never grow to know.

one hundred-fifty nine.

bottled up.

fizz,

ready to erupt but the cork

is screwing with it.

the cork is abusing it.

bottling it up, keeping it in bondage.

captivity. no freedom. no freedom.

fizz,

ready to explode but the bottle

is keeping its form.

the bottle has control.

squeezing it more and more

forcing it to sparkle even more.

tears,

ready to glide down her oval, brown cheeks.

but her ducts are keeping them locked up.

her ducts are containing them

making them freeze up so their eyes won't

touch the sight of her sadness.

laying in the dark cuddled up with her madness, she is.

blanketed with a cold, hardened emotion that

keeps jabbin' her.

keeps stabbin' her.

she's

not real.

to the world she's just

a fizz to the world.

a tear in the world.

the world, trying to contain her.

trying to rearrange her.

trying to defame her.

and she stays in her cave

coated in sorrow and regret.

coated in shame and each step

that she took

to get to a place

she didn't want to be.

she's a volcano.

blazing in her

fire

ready to erupt

lava

ready to corrupt

and burn everything

that took her self away

from herself, she's ready to

flood the nations with her tears,

let them feel what she hears and

hear the shit she feels.

she's ready for those in her dreams

to know that she cares

and mr. simmons

i pray i see you There.

because you were in my dream.

and you said i didn't care.

but i do.

and i always will.

you poked the flesh off of my body

and i screamed.

and i cried.

in my dream. and

in my sleep.

because you said i didn't care.

but i swear i do.

i love you, through and through.

and i know God is sitting and walking and breathing

next to you. with you. in you. through you.

i'm sorry for everything i didn't do.

and everything that i can't do.

i love you.

but i can't be what i want to be.

for you. not even for me.

but i know Who can. and Who will.

and Who is.

fizz,

flow free.

tears,

flow free.

down my cheek.

rest sweetly.

next to me.

one hundred-fifty eight.

in the distance.

i try to

give up

but i always

give in

to the things

that are not healthy

like empty thoughts

daunting desires

fickle fairytales.

i try to

give them up

but i always

give in.

and i sit in

them so comfortably.

no questioning.

no jittering.

just relaxing.

in temporary satisfaction.

forgetting the consequences

that await my presence.

but i choose to take that chance.

because i lose when i say i can't.

so i do. and i will. because i don't choose.

i just lose. when i abuse the choices i have.

so i'm going to give in and

give up

those thoughts and

those fantasies and

those desires because

i have a faith that will take me higher.

higher than i could ever imagine.

and i'll still be running.

away.

from the places that placed me here today.

because the remnants of those experiences

callous my fingers and hinder me from touching

the lives i love to love and desire to serve.

so i will run. away. like i always do and say.

because you can never run too far -

but i can always be found near.

one hundred-fifty seven.

somewhere they are.

a shadow lingering behind a closed door.

kept quiet as a secret in a chest of treasures.

waves in the ocean toppling over and over. and over.

movement between the branches and leaves.

creaks sounded from wooden floors.

steam drifting through the stout of a tea pot.

frequency in the signal, once connected now lost.

velocity of a ball . bouncing up . bouncing down .

down . bouncing up . up .

bouncing .

moving .

silent .

hiding .

away .

in the moment.

i'm in love with this current moment. i'm at work. i'm overflowing with passion, inspiration, love - everything that mixes together to make one feel free. i am surrounded by all types of beings that are all beautiful and eccentric and spectacular in their own crazy way and i fall deeper and deeper in Love each time i come to think about them. all. it's quite heavy and overwhelming sometimes to think about every single matter of being i have come in direct contact with. and i can't help but to thank God for their existence currently in my life and for those who have left footprints in my memory. i have learned so much in such a short matter of time. i can't imagine my life void of the people i have had run ins with. i don't want to imagine it that way.

i have become an obsessive multi-tasker and it is killing my concentration level. i'll pick up a book, read, place it somewhere, grab my computer, type, place it down, grab my journal and my pen, write, place it somewhere, walk around, look at myself in the mirror, play dress up, throw my clothes off to create piles of a colorful creation that i never want to clean up, lay down, then dream. i'm a mess. a creative wreck. a collision of ideas and dreams and goals that i am anticipating to come to fruition. i love who i am today. i love who i was yesterday. and i'm getting closer to fall in love with who i will be tomorrow, God willing. i have no doubt that this feeling will birth some type of sense. to make sense. to someone else. to even me. as i always state, sometimes, the things i say never make sense. but i try to dig up as much as i can to make it clear for myself one day.

anyhow, i am feeling a feel i've not felt in a long time. and it is not because of anyone. or anything. just sitting in this chair at work. reflecting on the pain, the joy, the surrender, the salvation, the fruit, the progress, the everything that has made nothing something. "i wish in Love. i wish in Peace. i wish in Hope. i wish Truth. i wish with no fear. i have no fear. have no doubt. no doubt. i wish. Love." bilal is clear. i love it. sometimes.

one hundred-fifty six.

the man i once knew.

if he would stop smelling like summer
and stop dressing like winter - maybe i'd fall in love
because i once was in love with a man that
spoke like spring and
wrote like autumn.
he's no longer you.

out of touch.

can we take a long. long walk. hand in hand with the sunshine and the cool breezes on an orange day. dance in a pile of leaves fallen from loveless trees that seek Love for hope. we can move to the tunes of the trains running across the tracks . discovering our own melody hidden behind the ruined sound effects that travel to places we wish we could visit. both of us. together. and we'll talk about love, not ever being in love. because we are in Love with Love. we could pick flowers from their home and take them on the journey with us, the one that will cultivate some new found beauty in us, between us, for us that we never expected to see. that would be nice, wouldn't it? "nothing's been more true, than these words to you." what would it be like to kiss the moon. hold it in the palm of my small hands and place my face to it, as if i knew it deeply. for a long time. holding it tightly, because i would never want to lose the moment of, being with it. away from earth, i'm sharing a forbidden love. with the moon. you know, thoughts collide and they don't ever really make sense when expressed at spontaneous moments, like this.

but i am calm. i am relaxed. i am free. if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. and He is leading me on my way. so many opportunities. so many moments of clarity. so much growth. everything all at once, yet again. i love it. i receive hugs from the stars and kisses from the moon on nights like this. i love it. i love it. i just, simply love it. i am floating , in a dream world. ready to grip my every dream and every endeavor in my hand. i may not be around, to do the things they want me to, but i am here to do the things You need me to. lead me on my way. so much to accomplish. so much to learn. so much to do. time, waits for nothing. note to self:

• receive that yesterday is resting in perfect peace.
• realize who you are and acknowledge that you are not perfect.
• reflect on your past, do not live in it and do not live for it.
• replace the waste with the fruitful meals God is delivering.
• respect each and every experience, whether good or bad.

i love this place that i am at currently, right this very second, i love it. and i don't want to miss it. i am feeling a shift from chaos to calm. right now. thank You.

one hundred-fifty five.

the collision between life and death.

old lady sat on porch rocking

forward, backward, back and forth

humming beneath her small voice

with the weak force of breath she had been

saving forever for her last exhale.

she sang a song of blues that resonated

and radiated throughout the atmosphere

where her body was placed.

she sang words, sweetly and softly

asking where the happiness and the joy

resided in the poems of her deceased daughter.

her head hung low , she questioned again and again.

wondering why her poems were splashed with colors of

grey and blue and black and midnight. she never knew

that was all she knew and happiness never rekindled

with her because happiness couldn't stand her.

old lady struggled to rise out of rocking chair,

she stumbled, and tripped over her foot hitting her

head on the wooden porch that held her steadily for

years that followed months that followed days that

she knew would take her place because her daughter

was ready to see her face - she hid herself inside the

sweet and soft tunes her mother sang filled with the same blues

she used for the poems that had been abused

by lovers that read them and stole her joy.

now together, they sing and write melodies of blues

contrasting the yellows they thought they'd never

get in contact with - now together, they sing and

write melodies of yellows that they never thought

they'd speak, because together they create a space

of harmony.

sweeter than you.

"this is the game we played to lose."

one hundred-fifty four.

seasons change.

everything you've said

stirred with everything you've done

has created a void in between the two

that once existed as one that were never

officially one , together

like a leaf on a branch

is not one with the branch, just apart of

the tree - it can easily fall away

and drift and forget that it

was ever apart of that tree

and that branch

like you.

like me.

and i'm the leaf -

finally flowing away with

the easy movement

of summers

breeze.

one hundred-fifty three.

sleep walking.

and for 2 days of his life,

he tricked himself to believe

that it wasn't her that he was with.

instead, it was you.

his very first love.

gone.

one hundred-fifty two.

new found mystery.

in her voice box, vacancy lives.

she has words that are transparent.

she has emotions that have been abandoned.

in her voice box, vacancy thrives.

she has sounds that have been muted.

she has a story that is lonely.

her vocals hold no weight and

she doesn't have much to say

to you.

because your motives are tainted

and they are aligned with deceit

while trickling down a vacant street.

she wants you lost - gone.

one hundred-fifty one.

souls once one.

there is a disconnect

that lingers in between

our flesh - and it is evident

because it reflects our behavior

and the pattern we once assimilated

is no longer in place and now

we are two spirits

distant but

so near.

i erase you erase me.

one hundred-fifty.

the thought of the unknown.

the funny thing about it all

is that you don't know

i don't know

we don't know

no one knows.

nobody ever will ever know.

i don't want to know.

we don't need to know.

i hate that i think i know.

you shouldn't want to know.

it's terrible.

you.

me.

everything.

that we don't know.

it's terrible.

that's why we don't know.

and she's still here.

a long walk.

this was a good day.

one hundred-forty nine.

the way you.

i think you're beautiful from

everything that i can't see on the inside

because what's inside is something i

learn to see from the way you speak

and the way you interact , the kind way

you motivate and inspire , the way you knelt

down in silence and prayed , the way you

see things and the way you calm . it all comes out.

you're fully beautiful , from the inside out.

one hundred-forty eight.

painters (k)night.

she stole a drip of her own tears,
dabbed it on the spot that was stained
attempting to remove the remains of
yesterday that had calloused her canvas.
she scrubbed as hard as she could to
rid her canvas of the fingertips that
trekked ever so gently across, leaving
its prints, one by one by one.
she scrubbed so hard to remove every
interaction the tips of those fingers made
with the brush , she wanted it all to go away.
because she knew the painting shouldn't have stayed.
she knew it was too late to paint the night away.
she needed to omit every trace of every print
that was left on her canvas.

one hundred-forty seven.

forgetful flame.

i love the way

you don't like to

acknowledge anything

i do or say.

it shows how much

you love the way i do and say

everything you

purposely ignore.

you are a flame.

but you can't touch, ignite or burn me

anymore.

summer daze.

"it's the least i could do."

"we ordered up the baaar!"

my roommate/sister/cousin/boyfriend/girlfriend and i went on a date not too long ago. it was the most spontaneous most adventurous date i've ever been on ... well, it was really the only one i've really been on. :/ i had been craving chinese food, but instead we satisfied my craving with sushi.

it was so funny. our waiter was hilarious. our cups stayed full. our food was on point. and the conversation was heavy.

even though you know you don't have it, it's nice to treat yourself to something you've not had in such a long time: relaxed, free, fun. it's vital - take a break. move away from the books. move away from work. move away from your stressful relationships and just. be. free. i loved this night sooo much. it was so fun. and if i could, i'd rewind my life to replay it again. and again. and again. i love you, adjoaaa.

asa.

if you turn away, for one second, you will trip, and you will be gripped, in a space, that is filled, with a figure, you once, never knew.

one hundred-forty six.

enticing.

maybe it's the vibes that resonate from the

symbolism in the speech that is unspoken

that often goes unheard and collapses on deaf ears.

maybe it's the frequency between the beat

and the rhyme and the time 3 hit 9 on the clock

when the sun fell down to invite in the dark.

maybe it's the tenderness of the connection

when the raindrops tap dance along the pavement

or when the mosquito pierces the skin to suck the blood out of our flesh.

maybe it's the rotation of how and what and when

and why and where and who knows and who knew

and you know because i knew around the day we see.

maybe it's the way it is . and the way it should be.

with no questions, no deliberation, no analysis, no human being.

just nature existing and night falling softly on the wooden floor.

one hundred-forty five.

shadows in dark.

slow down

you're speaking too fast.

just relax

let the waves move you.

quiet thoughts

don't clutter the moment with

guilt and second thought and adrenaline.

take time and

just

be.

"hey! i like your chili bowl!"

we had so much fun filled with laughs ; nights like these, you don't want to let go.

brick by brick.

if it were possible, i'd like to go off and on just like that. you know, hidden, not bothered, just gone for as long as possible until something inspires me to light up. so i'd be undercover. observing. learning. without being seen. and when i appear, there's excitement because there's new inspiration. because there's something waiting. to be seen. heard. read. i like the idea of spontaneity. it's abstract. it's unknown. it comes when it pleases. and i love it. i wanna be. on. and. off. quick. and. slow. like the light, that i hold.

walls, they fall.

andwhentheydo,theyfall,theyshownomercy.instead,theyreleasewhattheyhavebeenholding.

emotionally , distant.

one hundred-forty four.

can't fall away.

THE DEVIL IS ALIVE -

i swear i hear him thinking.

and plotting

and breathing

heavy deep hallow breaths.

attempting to suck 'em back in

to face self-inflicted tests.

but we've fought too long

and too strong to fall down

WE'VE FOUGHT TOO LONG

AND TOO STRONG TO FALL NOW!

we won't surrender!

we can't give in!

demons are walking these streets

like they're not wrongfully existing.

maybe because they think they are right.

do you think they are right?

i can't think they are right because

they hate the One who is right!

my throat is swelling.

my eyes are jerking!

my face is wet. my face is drenched.

and it's all because i saw that picture.

of a demon ... with my brethren.

one hundred-forty three.

wandering in a shadow of doubt.

my bed, feeling like a rock

pressuring my senses to secrete

a liquid i have become so accustomed to.

because my head is like the parker brothers game

boggle -

and on this turn, it wasn't you i thought of.

but it was you.

the one whom neglected me.

who is neglecting me.

who has forgotten me.

who knows not the way to communicate with me.

the one who has rejected me.

you STILL reject me!

like you never knew me!

like you were never apart of me!

you are the pressure on this rock of a bed!

the reason my head drowns in a sea of dark, desolate dreams!

you are the one whom i have forgiven, still asking myself, why!

and i wish i never knew you!

i wish we never traded molecules!

i wish our blood never transmitted and clicked!

i wish you were further away than you already are!

i wish you could forever and ever be gone!

abracadabra - *poof* please, be gone!

because i hate to remember the hole you left in me.

and i try to forget every last thing you never did for me.

but i can't remember you ever really knowing me.

still, you don't exist , placing less effort towards

a little girl grown out of that little girl you saw

that day when i came out of that hole.

now you've tried to place me back in that hole

and i can't and i refuse to ever go back

because i know . your love . will never. be unconditional .

i know now . that you . will never . love me . the way .

you may .

have wished . to .

chimney, the dragonfly.

yesterday, july 13, 2010, was the biggest, most MASSIVE day of my entire life. i know, i know, i can be really extra sometimes. but seriously. yesterday was amazing, for this reason upon many others! let me go ahead and tell you while showing you at the same time.

whether you know it or not, i'll reiterate this fact about myself. my favorite, most loved insects are dragonflies. (click the link if you don't believe me). anyhow, i was able to interact with a dragonfly yesterday for about 30 minutes straight! can you believe THAT? neither can i. but it really happened. we talked about how beautiful it was. how brittle its wings appeared to be. what it was like to fly freely with no worries, no worries at all. we talked about our families and our friends and our heartbreaks and our happy days. all in 30 minutes, yep. we did! it was majestic. i thought i'd never see the day - a dragonfly and i, just chillin'.

he told me his name was chimney - he is jimney crickets 2nd cousin.

my jaw dropped to the gravel when chimney made his arrival!

he had me quiet, talking about his life and all. you know, the daily travels of a dragonfly. deeply interesting, might i say!

this is when we were bidding each other farewell. he began to shiver and vibrate on the tips of my fingers because he didn't want me to leave him so soon. but i told him, i told him with strong assurance that we would meet again.

he told me to come back so i could take a close up of him, right then and there. said he wanted me to remember this moment forever. he knew how big my heart was for dragonflies. those that felt comfortable with me, particularly.

he posed with his brittle wings, a little while longer. i felt my heart being saturated in a new , more profound appreciation for nature. a dragonfly named chimney, so delicately fragile. not shy. quite jovial. naked. and true. an instrument of Gods creation used to flutter and dance and orchestrate its own silent symphonies on top of the swift winds. it was amazing. we spoke magic and we made magic. i wasn't on earth for a full 30 minutes. and i didn't want to come back.

chimney is the reason why this was the biggest, most massive day of my life. because he was the smallest, most brittle gift of choice from God to me. and i was more than satisfied. :) i love you, chimney.

(shout out to my roommate for snapping these marvelous photos of chimney and i interacting. :)

one hundred-forty two.

former addiction.

i'm a recovering crack/cocaine addict.

anytime i see my former drug of choice

my skin irritates and i begin to itch.

we were intimate, me and that rock.

i got my dope for cheap, no price i couldn't afford.

i knew it was too good to be true.

i itch.

itchy skin.

veins rising.

i'm a recovering crack/cocaine addict.

still wondering how i got so hooked.

knowing i didn't want it i still fell for it.

and just like an unfaithful lover

it did me wrong and turned around

left me sitting

irritated and itching.

whenever i see my choice of drug,

i itch.

not because i'm craving it.

one hundred-forty one.

everything at once.

overwhelmed .

pressure .

pleasure.

excited .

rising adrenaline .

hope .

headache.

headache.

stomach aches.
stomach aches.

worry.

paranoia.

everything.

at.

one.

time.

i.

feel.

everything.

at.

one.

time.

when it all.

falls.

d

o

w

n.

but through it all

i am

so

so

so

THRILLED.

one hundred-forty.

retired superhero.

i was stuck in an elevator
infested with vicious mosquitos
floating around my brittle arms,
small legs, frightened face,
and tired toes.

you weren't there to save me from them
you weren't there to protect me from them
and i can't depend on you.
i'm learning how i cannot depend on you.

one hundred-thirty nine.

backburner.

i know the feeling of

being thrown on the backburner

neglected, lefted, rejected where

nobody recognises you -

nobody cares about you -

nobody hears you -

nobody notices you -

i know the feeling, oh. too. well.

now, i could only imagine how God feels

each and every single day we do the same.

mixed in a trail of mix.

today was a breezy day. in a symbolic way. i, rose out of a dream with awkwardness and felt the urge to scream because i am at the brim of the breaking point, wanting to stay up to avoid the land of dreamers. i hate dreaming about you. but i find peace in it at the same time. although i am not able to see your physical in a realer sense, when i close my eyes, i can. but it irks me. and the rest of anything about this will be kept in a place safer than here.

i received the greatest voicemail from one of my friends today while i was at work that made my day. she told me about an image her eyes captured as she traveled home from school. said she saw a couch, a beautiful couch that looked worn, on the side of the road underneath shade. she said a man was laying on it so comfortably, that couch was his home. she mentioned how it was something he made so important. that he was grateful for it. while we, the ones who are priveleged to be inside of homes filled with more than one couch, take our couches for granted. this man valued this abandoned couch, as if it were his home. i felt like leaving my job and finding that man, to speak with him. just because. but i couldn't.

i got to eat my favorite trail mix (above) today! that really made my day what it was. i received a text message from another friend about how he read a book on how we should literally be lead by the Spirit, rather than just professing it. that it's a magnificent gift that Christ left the Spirit for us. in us. that also made my day! among other things.

God through that voice mail, through those trail mix, and through that text message TRULY made my day. i didn't even think this day was that good, but reflecting on it, it surely was. also, i launched my project blog entitled "photo passage". visit it! i pray that it provokes some sort of thought!

run to the top.

here, there were dragonflies - and they danced with my eyes.

once, we were dreamers.

last night, i was in a dream that was very deep , it almost felt real. it did feel real. i felt like i was sinking. it felt real. the kind when you wake up with a smile. or you wake up heavily. or you wake up disgruntled. wondering why you woke up at that very moment. or why you couldn't wake up any earlier. when you feel each and every word someone speaks to you when you can't actually hear what's being said , in the dream. all i wanted to eat were my wontons in the dream . but the waiter took forever. and i still don't understand why i received crawfish and shrimp covered in barbecue sauce when i didn't even order that, in the dream. i can feel laughter. because it is odd. i love food too much. i invite full course meals into my dear sleep. but i would rather dream that dream than to dream a dream of invasive human beings that i don't want in the privacy of my dreams.
-

their voices forced themselves into my room last night. drunken voices fighting with other drunk voices. sentences recited that they didn't remember this morning. name calling. aggressiveness. in the privacy of my room. voices made way. i didn't welcome them. but i felt them. every emotion they felt, covered me and my every object in this room. at ease. i felt. because i was able to type some words to what i had heard. and you know, how real words don't let you sleep til they make their presence known to whatever media they can - paper, notepad, berry, word - whatever. now, the same people are playing "shake that monkey" by too short. if only you knew where i am.

anyhow, i get dressed now a days to go to no place. no place at all. but i have fun in it all. because it's free. because it's fun. because it's me.

good mourning.

i run. more than i walk. because fleeing is better than staying. because staying births decadence and that umbilical cord was cut. a long. time ago. i run. because it's easy. i feel free. way wind rushes and brushes and combs right through me. and when i find hiding place. no one knows where i am. i sit on soft bed. creating stories. thinking. reflect. thinking long and strong. reflect. wondering when or how or why. you know. when did i become who God created me to be. how did He change me. why is He loving me. or when did you and i meet. how did things commit suicide. and why did i send what i said. maybe i'm talking about you. maybe i am referring to nothing. maybe you are nothing. because i know my Everything. no. nothing is supposed to make sense. frustrating, huh. but i love it. and everybody hates chris makes me laugh. and receiving blank text messages that wake me make me confused. thinking, who might that be. could it be you. never. feeling unappreciated and appreciated and loved and unloved at the same time is awkward. let's make to do list. you and i.

• love.
• think first.
• speak less.
• smile strong.
• hug with compassion.
• reach out.
• read you.
• watch - not be watched.
• run around like a crazy person.
• uplift all.
• be like. the miners canary.
• write what feeling is.
• live.

one hundred-thirty eight.

unrecognisable.

the drops of the shower didn't even know

you when they rolled down you , on your skin

evenly dispersed , they couldn't even i.d. you

because you were so thin.

hadn't eaten for a month, my friend.

you hungry? you thirsty? too cold? too hot?

the blanket didn't even recognize you when it hugged

around your skin , so thin , you've become like paper.

flimsy, trashy, recyclable , you are all of those things

packed in a container of fabrication because you are

none of those things, really you are nothing.

i wish your clothes could at least recognize your frame

because it wears you all the minutes of the day and i wonder

if you've ever tried to hide behind hate because

you publicly publish an expansive length of love.

one hundred-thirty seven.

speed of light.

there's so much going on.

going on, moving on, going on.

fast and slow and medium, still going on.

growing on, growing out of.

spinning. whirling. rolling. moving fast.

not able to grasp what's been happening.

slowly. quickly.

going on. thinking on.

jumping on. touching on.

looking on. blowing on.

so much.

that's going on.

understanding has been stepped on.

smothered to. nothing.

chances.

i wondered to myself after snapping this photo, upon many others, what made you both feel comfortable with me. it couldn't have been the creepy way i lingered back and forth in your personal space without having said a word. or the way my eyes followed your every move. it couldn't have been the awkward smile i passed along your way which inspired you to smile back and motivated me to say "be careful" as you climbed up the railing to impress the little boy. i wanted to know, why you felt it was ok for me to capture this moment of you two. what was it? oh, i know. i think i know. this particular moment was a time you both shared personally with one another. and you wanted to share the same feelings you felt with him, you wanted those feelings transmitted in me. maybe because you felt what kind of day i was having? i don't know. i felt joy after shooting this. and i laughed with you both. and you told me to take care. and i said you too. then you offered me one last shot. where you held his swing and leaned up close and above him and rested your chin on his delicate head. showing a sign of comfort. and i was pleased. shot it. smiled. and took flight on foot. now, i can forever live with the memory of you two.

one hundred-thirty six.

pleasure.

if you only knew what

i truly wanted to relay

to you - if i hadn't hit

backspace , you would.

one hundred-thirty five.

whenever, wherever, whatever.

with ever second filled with a breath that i breathed

out in the same air that you breathed in, today. you felt me.

whenever i exhaled, slowly. you inhaled, slowly the same breath

that i breathed in the same air that you breathed, yesterday.

wherever i stood and inhaled, slowly. it was therapeutic because

i felt your exhale enter me even today, the day you call tomorrow.

whatever i said into the sift of the same air we breathed, you inhaled

and each and every one of my words plus the syllables and their accents

are living within you and are directing you back to the same place we

first met because we shared the same breath and breathed our last breath

in a place we'll always call tropical, under the Son. under the sun.

whenever, wherever, whatever - we still love.

one hundred-thirty four.

bring it back.

aaah.

i remember when i didn't even know you

and i would read what you write and right

then and there i would smile and be like

wow. you couldn't have. you didn't.

i remember when i didn't even know who you were

or how you looked or how you dressed or how you spoke

or who you knew or who knew you or what school you went to.

i remember when you didn't even know me , you didn't know me.

i remember when i didn't know you and i didn't want to.

until we met and i already had thoughts of how you were.

and i was like nah, i can't get down with you cuz i thought i knew you.

then you proved me wrong.

but it didn't take long.

then you proved me right.

i remember now.

why i didn't want to.

but i understand now.

that i had to.

now i sit and i smile.

then i laugh.

now i wish i never knew you.

i wish i never knew you.

the ignorance of you was bliss.

i guess it's something that i miss.

i smile.

she follows me everywhere i go - even when i try stepping on her. :)

there's a blessing in the dirt.

if you dig deep enough. if you labor hard enough. if you wash clean enough. and if you think long enough. you will find that there is a diamond in the rough and a beautiful flower in the dirt. an enthralling pearl in a slimy clam and a chest of treasure in the sand. if only we took time to observe and reflect on the surroundings God has placed in our atmosphere. to marvel in His beautiful sculptures. His paintings. His creations. His word, most importantly. maybe when we pay closer attention to what is standing still before us, we can begin to appreciate more than we complain. i woke up today. thinking about how much i complain about. and i had to stop. and draw my attention to all the greater things God has been doing for me. that breath i took after opening my eyes this morning was not guaranteed. and i had to appreciate it. too much energy is being placed in the things that don't matter - and i've been wasting too much time on those things. it gets too old. time to move. progression may be slow - but it still is growth.

one hundred-thirty three.

the aroma.

i anticipate.

i scoop.

i place.

i turn.

it tips.

it leans.

it flies.

it spills.

it lands.

it piles.

i yell.

i shake.

i cry.

i run.

i tell.

i clean.

i smell.

the aroma.

of anticipation.

one hundred-thirty two.

come out, we miss you.

after he strummed your pain with his finger
nothing else mattered to you, at all.
from every ghetto, to every city
you touched lives with the single drop of
a note from the hook of your voice
and you left us, sitting and waiting and dwelling on
that same voice from a hook that a note took and
changed lives with an education missed my miss.
you, miss. we miss. you. and we need you. to come out -
remind us how our world is moving so fast today,
how our past seems so far away - how life squeezes us
so tight, suffocating us and leaving us leaping and
yelping for a breath of your lucid vocals matched with
enthralling lyrics that tingle the senses
that have been numb and reckless for years.
you're just too good to be true and we can't take our hearts off of you.
i just want you around, that peace of mind that made mr. intentional flee -
you are just like the water ... and i've not felt this way in years ... in years.
you said you get out, please, come out - i know you've got
so much things to say after being held captive by the industry's plague.
fearful, wondrous, conquering lioness you are.

this earphone yearns for you.

one hundred-thirty one.

they'll never know.

no one will ever know who you are.
what you are. why you are. where you are.
no one will ever know who you are.
except for me. except for you.

my fingertips link up with my pen
creating its own patterned writing regimen
swelling the dots on my i's and thickening the u's
because there's a bond between the two

too strong for others to view - somewhat imaginary.
fairytale. make believe. make you leave. autumn leaves.
autumn breeze - you could see me smile without a smiley face
we weren't even close.

i love the love you exude to inspire
the fuel to burn and rise and nearly
grow to touch the sky because there's a fire in the sky -
the sun ... hand in hand with the shine.