fifty-four.

on You.

when i think about You, i feel alright.

i'm in my right state of mind when You

are constantly on it and i can't help but

to smile.

for You to have that effect on me,

i can't let go of something so good.

i know what it feels like when You are

not on my mind.

and i don't like the places i go.

fifty-three.

second you.

ready to hear your sweet words - spoken like a melody. i am bathing in a tub of unfulfilled promises. washing away completion. scrubbing off the stains of lies. soap suds the color of warning signs. caution signs. stop signs. i am ready to hear your sweet words - spoken like a melody. drenched in a pool of unforgetfulness. swimming around forgiveness. paddling towards revenge. coloring my eyes serene. painting them like grass. green light. i am ready to hear your sweet words - spoken like a melody. not from you. from the second you.

fifty-two.

i'm leaving.

baby

baby.

baby

baby!

baby

baby?

after so long - he called her out of her name.

she became desensitized to his chant.

scraped the name out of his lips.

threw it to the ground.

used the tip of her toes.

scooted it outside of their house.

soon after, she disappeared with the moon at dawn.

fifty-one.

gripping.

your glossy bloodshot eyes

spoke volumes to me.  painfully.

i couldn't piece together exactly

what they communicated, but i felt

that you wanted to be set free.

your glossy bloodshot eyes

spoke volumes to me.  painfully.

i couldn't articulate precisely what

they were reciting, but i understood

you desired to be emptied of the grief.

your glossy bloodshot eyes

spoke volumes to me.  painfully.

i knew this time what they were

expressing.  the love you had hidden

behind those cloudy eyes.

they drowned with liquids - spilling and spelling out l. o. v. e.

fifty.

realization.

you stood right before me.

i didn't even see your face.

didn't even recognize your

bodily presence near me.

same oxygen shared, inside

me.  gazing into blinded eyes

envisioning an unrecognizable

figure.  i didn't even see your face.

didn't even recognize your

bodily presence near me.

because you were not who you said you were.

forty-nine.

palm made.

he held something in his hand so tight.

gripped it like it was the last breath of life.

secured it as if it were rare and of hot commodity.

hid it to keep it away from being exposed.

it was a flower.

her palm was the core.

her fingers were the petals.

forty-eight.

no words. 8

forty-seven.

slipped my mind.

i almost forgot what it felt like to

breathe a breath of fresh air through

my nostrils.

i no longer believed in a such thing

as fresh air - pollution from tainted love

had invaded my oxygen.

tainted love had floated up into my blue

skies and confused them and moved them

to smoky hues of grey.

oxygen. breathe. none. tainted.

polluted. defiled. intoxicated.

confused.

all slipping into my mind.

causing a divide.

between

fresh

air

and

you.

forty-six.

those days.

i miss the days when i held no care

in the world - just being another being

in this world. i miss the days when

my tomorrows weren't confused with

my yesterdays and my todays didn't

hold so tight on to the tomorrows and the

days of yesterday didn't strangulate my

todays and tomorrows. i really miss the

days when i could smile and not expect

my smile to be removed from it's home

unexpectedly or forcefully.

i really miss those days when the absence

of you was permanent and fully existing.

forty-five.

no words. 7

forty-four.

no words. 6

forty-three.

screaming - outloud.

my vocals are echoing in an empty room

through my mind and through my thoughts

and no one is listening, no one can hear me.

until these walls come tumbling

d

o

w

n

no one will really care to listen.

until i am missing - behind a shadow

that doesn't really exist.

no one really cares.

forty-two.

shocking news.

nobody will Love me the way You do.

nobody can Love me the way You do.

nobody Loves me the way You do.

i'm so ungrateful.

forty-one.

bird song.

can i help you go to sleep tonight.
i'll sing you a lullaby in the center of your nest
as your oval white eggs warm underneath your breast
i'll help you rest tonight without disturbance.
while the wind brushes up against your fragile feathers,
i'll be singing you a song to fall asleep, with ease.
just sleep. i'll watch over you and your nest.
tonight, you are protected by the lyrics on my heart.

forty.

writings to you.

i know it's the truth. simply, i miss you.

from the way you strolled easily down the

isle as i stood behind the cookies protected

by the glass ... you smiled as you passed.

holding conversation with our body language.

feeling the presence of one another when we are away.

through nature and Gods beautiful creations.

holding hands and warming the palms of our love.

i know you don't mind me missing you.

our memories cloak my mind like a blanket.

comforting my thoughts and warming me.

snugged tight so sweetly. with you and our memories.

i'm stamping this writing to you with four corners of Love.

thirty-nine.

dragon man.

mouth loaded with fury and fire

blasting and igniting the hearts of people to

burn up into dusty grey and black ashes

in anger. in lament. in rage.

enraged, she sits. mind smoked, flying

above fiery pits of malicious laughter

inside of jokes that are carelessly tossed to the wind.

in a box of rage she sits, brows crouched. teeth clinched.

dragon man built to tear folk down, subconsciously.

dragon man made to ruin people, slowly.

dragon man, i promise - you are dead to me.

thirty-eight.

burnt.

flickering into a bursting flame the

red tip rubbed up against the box

and sparked a flame. an orange flame

of disdain and happiness burning into pain.

bent, titled, leaned over into a glass

protector and touched the tip of a vanilla

scented candle to sizzle and share its Light of

joy and peace to fill the room with a sweet flavorful

fragrance - main ingredient: He.

flickering into a burning flame the red tip

rubbed up against the box and sparked a fire

one with cool hues of blue calming the orange

of disdain and pain cooling it with happiness

again.

thirty-seven

sweet curved melody.

the way your upper lip curls

up right above your supportive bottom lip

into a crescent resembling the moon.

hanging so peacefully on your canvas

dangling like the notes next to the treble clef.

playing a melodic tune - over and over again.

on repeat, i can hear it in my ears.

a sweet curved melody.

thirty-six.

be mine.

i wouldn't want to tell you to be mine.

that would place a sense of ownership

on whatever may come about this.

i wouldn't want to ask you to be mine.

that would only insinuate dominion

over you and i was only given dominion

to the animals and to the plants.

you are neither.

i wouldn't want to beg you to be mine.

that would simply suggest a chest filled

with emptiness searching for ownership,

dominion, and love in all the wrong places.

so instead, i'll ask You ... can i be Yours ... to use?

thirty-five.

tell me ... please ...

can you hear my presence when i'm physically away?

thirty-four.

breathe.

gripping the lungs buried beneath her ribs.

refusing her inhale to enter successfully.

refusing her pulse to remain on beat.

refusing her heart and her brain to operate.

gripping the lungs buried beneath her ribs.

thirty-t.hree.

see you again.

i've got to see you again, mango.

i've got to taste you again.

i miss you and the memories we made.

i've got to see you again.

soon.

attractively settled comfortably in one

of the greenest, sweetest, succulent leaves

under the sunrise - into the sunrise.

i've got to see you again, mango.

i've got to hold you again.

i miss you and the music we made.

i've got to see you again.

soon.

thirty-two.

outside, today.

i stepped into the biggest frown, today.

today, your face held the darkest shade of grey.

your eyes were painted with gloom.

your lips curled over the rays of the sun.

and curled beneath a solid rock of sorrow.

today, i wanted to hear from you.

i wanted to know what was wrong with you.

but silence became a resident in your voice box

and refused to depart.

patiently for you, i waited, today.

i wanted to float with you in Joy.

but instead, you handed me dismay.

i stepped into the biggest frown today.

and it was given to me, from you.

slowly ... my smile jogged away.

thirty-one.

always remember.

it's impossible to hold my book of life in the palm of my hands.
it's impossible to flip the pages back to the day i wish never came.
it's impossible to highlight the sentences that i want to forever keep in memory.

it's impossible for me to bend the edge of pages i need to meditate on and learn from.
it's impossible to bury it underneath the thick residues of lint and dust.
it's impossible to forget the climaxes and the downfalls illustrated in my book of life.

i will always remember.

thirty.

note taking.

scribing on my minds binded lines a note
that reads in small print words that are
joined together in hopes to fly in the direction
of a heart in need of Love.

my words ... they found you.

twenty-nine.

nonexistent.

envisioning a clean plate of absolutely nothing.
coated with transparency. smothered in vapor.
saturated in translucent flavors - clear to me.

twenty-eight.

slumber.

craving my lids.

stimulating my lids.

temptation in. my. lids.

i feel you creeping, crawling,

invading my lids. penetrating my lids.

confusing my lids. almost abusing my lids.

i want you to communicate with my lids.

take control and demand them to delicately touch

one another and comfort each other.

slumber - please, come and take over.

twenty-seven.

miss me.

fading in the opaque fumes of gasoline.

lit match waving back and forth

lighting me up to burst. to explode.

to ignite a glimmer formulated in the

residues of gasoline fumes exiting

a steel grey pipe underneath the body

of a black four wheel, two door ride.

twenty-six.

dedicated to the two.

today, i'm reflecting on you.

what you are and what you do.

the energy between me and you.

between you and i.

rays connected to my eyes.

i'm hanging on to the image of you.

reflecting You.

constantly thinking about You.

marveled because of the things You do.

the connection between the two.

one created by You.

for the universe to see.

the beauty of You.

and the beauty of you.

carrying your image inside of me.

all around me - i feel your heat.

i inhale the scent of your warmth.

pleasantry.

twenty-five.

no words. 5

twenty-four.

don't move.

i remember the day
i walked up to surrender
my life to Jesus Christ ...
i had no idea what
i was doing ... because
it wasn't me ... at all.

twenty-three.

sleepy time in green.

the warmth of the fluids soothed my mind.
right one time, they melted worry away.
sipping, slowly. holding, carefully.
laughing, speaking, and thinking about
how true Love never fades away.
starring in the eyes of a sister from my past.
reflecting on Higher things ... quietly.
sleepy time came - mixed with green.
brown sugar sweetened the entire scene.

twenty-two.

top of the morning.

laying on top of the morning.

cheek pressed up against the keys.

high powered electrical charge.

trading awkward silence for invisible smiles.

soft whispers snuggling inside our ears.

heavy lids falling involuntarily.

resisting to slip inside of tonights dream.

while laying on top of the morning.

twenty-one.

no words. 4

twenty.

unbelievable.

this happened ... strictly ... because of ... LOVE ?

nineteen.

blue.

can we dance tonight?

allow the moon and the illuminate stars
to be our hypnotizing disco ball.

the breeze be the beat and the waves act as
the strings of a cello. crickets vibrating.

dancing harmonically to the sweet mellow dees.
honey bees. beautiful trees. palming me.

while we slow dance, in the night. under the moon Light.
slowly ... gently ... melodically ... in perfect harmony.

this is a dreamers delight - holding close to midnight.
dancing with you in the night of my eye lids.

in Love.