those days.

all the flowers have reached this point of full bloom.  and time has truly shown the definition of their age.  but still, they try to hide it.  they try to fight what's already obvious.  because they want to leave it up to everyone's imagination to believe and assume what they want, if they are slowly dying or if they are merely defying the changes of time passing them by.  but they want to stay in full bloom.  they want to live there forever because it's the climax of their life.  it's when they can actually see and feel the beauty and radiance of the magnificent sun.  they are opened and vulnerable to the use of the bees for pollen and to the humans for fragrance.  they are able to be utilized and to serve the environment.

then, when time decides to kick in, they try to fight it.  they try to hide it but they can't.  they simply can't.  because time doesn't wait for anyone or anything.  and once your time is up, your time is up.  what is your life?  it is but a mist that is present for a measurable time but will soon vanish into nothing.  and that's the hard reality we must face.  we must deal with.  we must take in.  and even when our most cherished flower disappears without being able to say "goodbye" ... we must swallow it like a pure glass of water and accept the truth about things coming, and things going.

i grieve.

i moan.

i weep.

i mourn.

not only for you, beautiful flower.  but for so many like you.  and i trust that others will make it through.  my throat is thick of remorse and sorrow but i find your petals to be lovely.  even while dehydrated, my eyes will hydrate you with its secretion.  love will live forever through my tears to you and your exhausted petals.  i think of you always.  i love you, deeply.  i do.  and i miss you.  this time is the worst time.  i wish we could just go back to those days.

changes.

there were many days this break that were filled with the gloom and itchiness of no sun.  the rain wouldn't fully come down, it would only drizzle or sprinkle mist against everything that couldn't dodge its landing. christmas day was sweet.  only, it felt like st. patrick's day. or like an average monday.  and i guess the ephemeral joy for christmas left years ago when i grew out of believing that santa would finally visit our house since we got a chimney, like the families in the movies.  he never came.  these past few days have been quite interesting.

the sun has finally stopped being shy.  it has finally stepped out and onto its platform of stardom.  it's incredible, waking up into a new day, not having the slightest idea about what might take place.  who you might see.  who you will talk to.  what the conversation will revolve around.  what feelings you might encounter.  you never know what emotions will consume you.  how you will react.  what you will think.  what steps you might take, might miss.  it's a new day, literally.  and the unknown can either be embraced or feared.  and when the unknown becomes known, it can either turn into a travesty or a creative story worth scribing in a special journal.

it's strange, how humans change.  with each day passing.  there is always something changing.  maybe your fingernail might grow a centimeter.  wisdom tooth might come in.  you might shed a strand of hair.  you might feel one emotion, one second and it be transformed into another emotion the next second.  changes are inevitable.  we can't avoid change.  as much as we may try.  it will still be standing there, waiting to take us into its grip.  and then, the point of surrender makes its way into your body, and you submit, and you work with what's new.

i think about the dragonfly story.  its experience with change.  once a water bug, who grew tired of its current state and rested on a lily pad underwater, and its next time waking up, it flew out of the water with a new slender body and fragile, beautifully colored wings that carried it away from its old place of living.  and when it flew away, it never flew back into the water.  that stage of its life was gone.  yet, it treaded the waters, danced above the waters, but never re-entered.  that is life.  for humans.  change is inevitable.  change moves in a way that leads us further and further away from what was - keeps us away from what was.  but it makes sure that we remember.  we never re-live, we just remember.  maybe change isn't so bad in that aspect.

don't grow too comfortable in the now - it won't be with you for too long.  grow and appreciate the growth. life is happening, it is.  and we are just creatures moving along and fitting into the changes that occur.  do not be afraid.  go.

• pray
• respect
• submit
• be at ease
• be joyful
• love
• spend time
• release
• be creative
• create newness
• escape laziness
• accept change.

how does one escape being boxed in?

two hundred-seventy four.

stripes and pastels.

my eyes could feel
the amount of love he carried for her
simply by the way
he carried her palms, inside of his own.