one hundred-eighty.

pervasive action.

it's one of those unspoken things.

when the body language speaks

higher quality and more volumes

than your lips could ever profess.

i accept it - keep it under wraps.

but i am free - flying soaring seeking

a new perspective and different angles

of this place i am living in called

life.

one hundred-seventy nine.

i feel Fall.

i stepped outside today

into Fall and my thoughts

were colored so artistically.

i saw memories play in

the blue skies and that

drew a smile on my face.

memories of Fall, memories

of Spring - the memories that

i like to see.

it felt so heavenly , it feels so heavenly

outside, whatever heaven may feel like

i felt my mind open up

and all types of liberating feelings

sprang through my inner being and

i am so happy, so at peace.

so pleased with the gift of Fall,

i never want to close it.

dwelling on dwele.

currently. trying to figure out why it took this long to hop from one lily pad to the other when i knew the one i stayed on was too small to hold my generously built figure. i mean, it was frail and i am healthy. it was insubstantial and i am fit. i don't ponder, i just skate around the thought of what it would have been like if i completed the task sooner than now. why i let it carry on longer than it should have while i had been assigned a deadline from the beginning. although it was extended against my will, it should have been executed. i am too heavy to lay comfortably on this fragile lily pad. i like frogs. and i love the color green. i was finally given enough strength to leap far, extending my emotions from one place to another, leaving what was left behind, alone. no connection. snipped like an umbilical cord. almost, not all the way, scratching out what had been inscribed in the depths of my flesh. Blood washing out my procrastination. cleansing. pouring. overflowing. washing away. soon, it will be complete. soon it will be completely executed. then, i won't had to skate around the wonder of the what ifs. i will receive my grade and i should not be surprised. you don't get a grade. you earn it. and the funny thing about it all, i haven't felt a tear in so long - its foreign to me, thank God. but the feeling of a smile is becoming foreign also. what left do i have. the sunshine causes my eyes to squint, leaving a disgusting look on my face. that's how it feels when i look at this assignment. why did i wait so long to execute. it will be complete. soon. it will be complete.

• no more procrastination.
• two ears, one mouth for a reason.
• Holy Spirit, not intuition.
• love, let live.
• conceive thoughts of Life.
• pray without ceasing.
• unzip. unravel. unfold.

one hundred-seventy eight.

the Change.

i've witnessed the work that

You have done in many lives

that surround me -

You've taken sex driven hearts

and pumped into them a new Blood

that only You hold. the kind flows and

overflows with a Love that is completely

unconditional.

You've taken dope selling fiends

and given them a means that they never

thought they'd meet - after all, You have

it all, all you ask is for us to

surrender.

You've taken dead beat homes

and placed a beat of Your grace

into their place to resuscitate them,

bringing them back to Life out of

death.

Lord, i am witnessing a great transformation,

right before my eyes that words do no justice

as far as a grand explanation.

my Life, this Life, is in Your hands.

i am thankful for Your grace and for what

You continue to do in a world of undeserving

people - to a world filled with hate.

You are more than everything to me.

one hundred-seventy seven.

after 7 hours.

my mind has been unlocked,

opened, and exposed to a realm

of articles that evoke all types

of emotions - some that are not

even given names.

this world,

o', this world.

i've been in a state of flux

with no gravitational pull.

just been flying. floating. fluxing.

i don't want to come down.

this world,

o', this world.

i don't think i will understand

you fully but i think that is the gift

that God has been unwrapping for me

since i don't want to accept it myself.

truth ignored.

Society comprises two classes: those who have more food than appetite, and those who have more appetite than food.

- Sébastien-Roch Nicholas de Chamfort, Maximes

they came before.

if the information that i am learning was presented to those who write textbooks for educational institutions, it would be extremely problematic. havoc would arise and emotions would flare. some people would be upset. there's a gap in history, a gaping hole that is being filled pound for pound by researchers from across the globe. some alive, some deceased. when we have our own children, what will we teach them? where will we begin? how will we know if we don't know ourselves?

dear God 2.0.

i remember it like it was yesterday.

one hundred-seventy six.

peace of mind.

there would be no purpose

for me to deny the nostalgic

patterns created by the absence

of your being -

i trust that all is well and

i believe you are fixated inside

a peace of mind because energy

filtrates the same way that water does -

it flows and it flows and it rolls

in a meditated state that flourishes

any chaotic depressors that attempt

to ruin the fixation of you, of all -

i would be lying if i said i didn't miss

you for even a second.

you were the preface in my novel,

i'm waiting for the next page to complete.

one hundred-seventy five.

electric wavelength.

i can't lie. no. i can't hide it.
when i'm happy and you're happy
i get more jovial inside and my
speech is rushed.
thought process speeds up.
and i'm like a jelly bean.
colorful, bright, vibrant.
i feel happy. happy. free.

reflective state.

in a reflective state . this morning, i rolled over and rose into a ripe new day as the sun stood tall outside of my window. all of my ligaments, in place. my mind, sane. my vision, clear. my ears, sound. my voice, i could speak. my healthy finger touched the light switch and the light, as expected, lit up my room and all of my belongings were still in place. nothing touched by foreign hands. nothing missing. all was there.

i walked out of my room and into the restroom to a toilet that flushed with, what appeared to be, clean water. turned the faucet to the right and water came rushing out. violently, heavily the water rushed out of its chambers, without charge. the water altered its temperature as i chose it to. warm, hot, cold. i had choices to choose from. i could choose what temperature i wanted to shower in. i finished sanitizing myself in clean water, warm water. stepped out. walked over to a sink with more of that clean water. brushed my teeth. dressed myself. prepared lunch for my day. and went to school. classes at a university. to heighten my education.

someone, somewhere ... rolled over this morning on a cemented bench. saw a light, not from a bulb, but from above. could be missing a leg, possibly both. maybe missing an arm. declared insane by physicians. eyes, out of sight - not able to see. eardrums blown out, possibly deaf. vocal cords cut off, could be mute. some of their belongings may have been touched. moved. stolen. missing. you know, everything we consider wrong in our lives, they consider normal.

someone sitting next to me, their stomach may groan not because they forgot to eat breakfast before they came to class. but because they have not eaten for days due to low income. stomach howling for a bite to nibble on just to make it through their day. body releasing fumes of an unpleasant fragrance not because they forgot to deodorize, but because they live in a place where they have to pay to shower and they didn't have the funds to meet their hygienic needs. this is someone who might be in the same vicinity as me. but i'd never know their story because they're a stranger to me.

i don't show much appreciation for my current state. i don't show much appreciation in my every day. but i do acknowledge the lives that i long to meet. those stories that i want my journals to keep and my lenses to hold. the stories that are untold. the people in this world that know what it means "to gain the whole world, and lose their soul".

we will never know the life of another unless they speak it to us. there is no point in sharing insults about another human being out of "innocent humor". it is senseless because it doesn't make sense. it is pointless because it doesn't have a point. cruel jokes simply do not build. every atom in our being experiences different encounters with life, none should be taken lightly. appreciate the lives that pass you. the lives that know you. the lives that have never met you. the lives that long to know you. you never know what their life might do in yours. we are no longer living for ourselves, but for our brothers and sisters walking this earth.

Jesus did not live, nor did He die for Himself. but for the sake of humanity, He lived, died, and resurrected that we may attain everlasting life.

keep them, to yourselves.

they warn you. keep your hands, feet, and arms inside of the safe area. inside of a space filled with safeness. safety. away from harm. they give you instruction on what to do, how to behave, what to think, and where to stay. but only experience will teach you what to expect and how to react. only experience will take time to speak sense into the brain that is as hollow as the caves senseless cavemen once occupied. i think it's amazing. but "they" can be whoever your mind fills them to be.

i don't know. people know how to hurt others. maybe in grade school when they told us to keep our hands and feet to ourselves, they weren't just protecting us from physical altercation but also from fatal attraction. they should have added, "keep your staring eyes out of your neighbors' eyes" because they could easily be drawn into your tunnel of "love". step 15 feet away from me. right now, i am trying to move forward. with no attachments. no distractions. no allowance of crushing - the good way and the bad. i have to fulfill an assignment assigned by my heavenly Father. this path was paved smoothly for me. no looking back. *looks at watch* time's a wasting. step back. move back. quick, back. i am paying it forward.

"keep your hands, feet, words, eyes, lips, thoughts, stares, emotions, feelings, etc. to yourself."

one hundred-seventy four.

cultural renaming.

no, i am not of an igbo

tribe

but i am an igbo from a

nation of igbo

people.

that is, human beings whom

speak a native language that is the same

but different from a people of the

same country, nigeria.

no fiber in my being belongs to a

group branded a name by a people

whom oppressed and distressed the

communal lifestyle we once lived

harmoniously.

i am an igbo from a

of nation of igbo people.

not of an igbo tribe.

i am human.

one hundred-seventy three.

short story.

when it happened, it did.

now that it has happened,

it won't ever again.

one hundred-seventy two.

double, triple negatives.

can i ask you something?

when i do, could you please say yes?

"no."

but i haven't asked you yet.

"no."

and i get so tired of receiving negatives

after negatives -

and my skin falls off when i get

invisible yes's - you know, the ones that

hear you but ... never reply.

i don't know now, i'll probably never know why.

lately, those double and triple negatives

have been spilling rapidly upon my ears

and eyes .

i think it's about time

i close them and

keep on passing by.

bravebird.

i love you and i am so proud of you!

can't wait to see you in flesh.

one hundred-seventy one.

today.

shifting. ready for more newness.

moving. ready to take hold of.

gliding. ready to share space, today.

arnold newman.

“As for myself, I work the way I do because of the kind of person that I am – my work is an expression of myself. It reflects me, my fascination with people, the physical world around us, and the exciting medium in which I work. I do not claim that my way is the best or the only way, it is simply my way. It is an expression of myself, of the way I think and feel.”

- Arnold Newman, A Life in Photography

crawling with hunger.

(image by James Nachtwey.)

seems to me that this man, can't walk. he is in a feeding center. it looks like it's difficult for him to inhale without possibly ripping his skin tissue. or to exhale without his fragile body collapsing to a ground that won't console or comfort him. no clothes to blanket his frail body, crawling to a place that we don't know even exists. because we never knew he existed. we still don't know if he exists now. but he is striving to reach a destination that may place a film of flesh on his insubstantial bones. i wonder how he feels. what he thinks. where his family is. why he is in the condition he is in. it hurts me. and he's so far away.

now, this is what i want to do. this is what i am striving for. this is the path i feel has been created for my footprints. the road less traveled. the journey most fear. the walk that inspires hearts to meditate and to release scarlet tears. i have been dared to move from my seat of comfortability to a place of discomfort coated in famine, poverty, and what we as americans would consider, the worst way to live.

i know someone who challenges my every thought and action and word - and he said to me one day (i am paraphrasing), how can you be Christian and be so fearful? aren't you supposed to walk by faith? and his words have lingered around, in and through me since the day he spoke them into my ears. i agreed with him. and i told him it is so much easier to fear than to walk by faith.

if i want to accomplish anything, i have to start now and fear less. it's already too late, but i still have time. and God willing, this time spent for however much longer i am alive will be profitable. not to me and not for myself, but to Gods Kingdom and for the lives that are an inch away from death. i know it will be a challenge, but challenges should be like vapor - we know they're present but they should not serve as barricades. time waits, for no one.

traveling with dawn.

productivity. i am pleased with how i have become a factory for Gods work and of what He has been producing in me and through me. every ounce of fluid in my being has been flowing richly, vibrantly, and freely. as overwhelming as things have become, i have been grounded on this fixated pivot that keeps me in place, focused and standing firm. sometimes, i feel like a petal that has fallen from the home base of its circular pattern, settled on blades of grass, trying to discover itself away from its comfort zone. i may get ignored and overlooked, i may be misunderstood, i may wither away with no remnant or trace of my being - but there is a reason why i have fallen off from a place of uniformity. trying to fit in a space that is not and will never be meant for my figure got old. in a field of similar fragrances and appearances clouded the beauty of difference. He let me fly. He set me free. to fly. with the wind. a petal. on the go. moving fast at a very slow pace. there's beauty in falling and there's love in rising. not being attached to others has placed a particular melody of peace in my heart that i wish to remain forever. that velcro created by human beings is deadly. it'll rip your skin off and leave you scarred. for life. i have chosen to trash that velcro - i have chosen to be new. mercy. have mercy. love. have love. peace. give peace. this is a feeling of goodness that i don't ever want to let leave the folds of my mind, heart, hands, ears, toes, eyes, hair, breath, lungs, nose, presence. i need it forever. and eternity is what He has promised.

• wake up, light.
• think in peace.
• thank God for His Son.
• be the petal that fell and flew.
• flow like the rivers.
• breathe like the fish.
• step with consciousness.
• love quietly.
• live carefully.
• have fun.
• sleep sweet.

cracking.

when the sun dies, the moon shines - but i want fall to come . soon .

one hundred-seventy.

mind games.

it's tough sometimes.

flipping through old photos.

i begin to relive.

those days.

and i literally feel.

as though i am in a visual,

inescapable maze.

sunny mornings.

two good Words in one good day - priceless.

secret weapon.

i can't verbalize it enough.

i miss you, i love you.

come baaack!

express. express. express.

one hundred-sixty nine.

straitjacket.

i would like to be declared

mentally insane

if i were to ever "fall in love"

with you

again.

strangest steps.

it's funny. you never know what step you might take next. what effects may occur after stepping your left foot down before your right foot when you hop out of bed. or when you trek the road less traveled. or when you tip toe down the hallway to sneak a midnight snack from the kitchen. you never know what step you might take that will dictate your future endeavours or might challenge the changes you want to make by yourself, without any help. whether your right foot will lead you right and your wrong foot might lead you left. but that doesn't even make sense. it was the strangest thing. his steps. how his life collided with ours. at the very moment we decided to circle up. he came along. and stepped into our lives. as soon as he stepped in, he stepped out. and we'll never see him again. or maybe, we will.

one hundred-sixty eight

coming soon.

death has been playing dominoes

with lives that are dear and near to me,

and to others.

its hands are sticky and quick.

mischievous and sporadic.

silent and cruel.

death has been playing dominoes

with lives that are near and dear to me,

and to others.

but i pray its hands get sliced

into bits and pieces of life

so that it can know what it feels like

to be stripped from all its ever known.

one hundred-sixty seven.

stretched apart.

i want all of the sky to be
my form of loose leaf paper.

and a branch of a willow tree to be
my special writing pen that way

i can scribe freely the thoughts, and

feelings, and emotions i experience

when you are not nearby, so that

wherever you are, the way that i feel

and the way that i think and the way that

i react will be captured by the eyes that rest

so comfortably on your beautiful face -

the one that i once held, now i miss.

you're so far , for so long ,

but it's ok , i'm ok because the moon

shines brighter when we're away.

swinging my feet atop the river, i create a movement, a rhythmic movement, that vibrates and shakes softly the ripples and waves of the water beneath my feet and i want to move free like the breeze atop the river that i watch with the rhythm playing in between each phalange that i possess so that when i trek the grounds i once traveled, i can move in such a rhythmic way, no storm will shake me or push me or blow me too far that i won't even realize what happened, instead i will be aware of where i am going because i am moving slowly just like the river beneath my feet slow but on beat, slow but on beat.

be like the water.